The Sacred No

As winter’s inky darkness enfolds each hurried day, and we near the longest night of the year, I sit and encounter the sacredness of “no”. In a season and world in which over-extension is the norm, the badge upon which our success is mounted, I rediscover my power in consciously choosing otherwise. Though technology’s pull is strong and insistent, and the natural world an afterthought for most, today I remember my ability to choose stillness. It is a privilege, truly. And we all know the classic adage: “with privilege comes responsibility”. So now, here, I choose to honor the seasonal tug to turn inward, to seek quiet, to honor the darkness.

Ayurveda, the Vedic science of life, reminds of the constant need for balance. Our bodies, our minds, our beings are a reflection of the natural cycles around us. When we ignore the natural cycles, disruption and disease set in. Much like Chinese Medicine, Ayurveda is an elemental system, comprised of 5 elements (earth, water, fire, air, ether). These 5 elements combine to make 3 doshas, or constitutions. Early winter (and late fall) is the season of vata dosha, of air and ether. Vata rules the nervous system, the joints, and the colon, and is ruled by the qualities of movement, lightness, dryness. When vata is out of balance, we can feel scattered, anxious, unhinged, and experience constipation, bloating, lower back pain and much more. Vata is really the trouble maker of the doshas, and most commonly out of balance. Soothing vata means balancing its qualities, because “like increases like and opposites balance”. So finding gentle, regular activities. Enjoying warm liquids, soups, and stews. Minimizing caffeine and other nervous-system stimulants. Staying hydrated and nourished with warm oil massage and baths. And most importantly, not over-extending.

In this dark season, we would hope that hibernation is the cue. Yet the holidays are filled with more. More shopping, more food, more company, more obligations. So this year, in the midst of my over-flowing platter, I am consciously choosing my “no’s”.

To be sure, it’s not an easy road, and the pitfalls are many. The inner critic’s constant blaring horn: “Lazy! Selfish! Blahblahblah”. The judgmental stare of a society and culture that exalts obedience, submission and the myth of progress.

And the obligations pile on, with resentment trailing close behind. Bodies and minds break down, systems fail, and still we are programmed to say yes without thought; to push for expansion without seeking renewal.

So it was no surprise when suddenly there came a day when I simply turned inward. “No, critic. Hush.” I said. “I can hear you just fine if you use your indoor voice. And today, despite your insistence, I am saying no. No to fear. No to worry. No to caring more about others’ opinions than my own needs. Care to join me?”

So together, my recently befriended critic and I embark on wobbly newborn legs, standing up to the fear of letting down, or being let go. Remembering that it takes courage to take care of oneself, and from this tenderly held place we can fully choose “YES!”. With this conscious “yes” tucked in a warm place, we gather ourselves in the soothing darkness, lending ourselves to renewal over and over again.